2021 Recap…

I couldn’t sleep last night and I kept typing this blog post and gave up because my feelings and my thoughts were everywhere!

I was listening to “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran and the lines,

“Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know…”

I could very much relate to the song and it’s just so beautiful. It also genuinely makes me cry when I gave up on that feeling long back!

2021 was such a hard year. I mean, who am I joking? It was very difficult. The past two years were like the Great Depression (not economically but mentally and literally and all of the above).

2020 & 2021 taught me how to mend my own heart, how to pick myself back up, how to cope without people you thought would be in your life for a long time…”

It also made me realise time flies even when your NOT having fun.

A year just zoomed by SUPER FAST!

Hope we don’t stumble and fall!

I cherish many memories I created this year. One of my favourites are bunking college and hanging out with my friends. I’ve visited beautiful places, took pictures, and absolutely loved it!🥰

I just want you all to know this this too shall pass and everything will be back to normal because we’re survivors and we’re strong and blessed!

I hope that next year gets better ❤️‍🩹

Stay safe and spread love and kindness.

Virtual hugs for everyone reading this and going through a tough time.

You can do it! Cheers 🥂!!

xoxo

(P.S. 2022 is pronounced as 2020(too). Have a good day y’all!😂)

Belated Merry Christmas!!! 🎄❤️✨

Hey everyone!

I was kinda busy yesterday so I couldn’t wish on time but…

Have a happy little Christmas!!

Hope it’s filled with joy and happiness!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

(And hopefully an amazing new year ahead…)

xoxo

Is Sexual Harassment a Trend?!

“It is UNLAWFUL to harass a person—”

And you don’t even need to finish the sentence to know that it’s utterly DISGUSTING to touch a person of the opposite gender without their consent!

Because!

I’m hoping you might get a clue to what this blog post is going to be about…

I’m gonna talk about my personal experience here because I’m so happy that I FINALLY get the courage to blog about it!

I’m so angry about this right now… but a few days back… it literally took me sleepless nights, panic attacks, my friends’ constant reassurance to get me out of the bed and keep going…

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t strong or brave enough to deal with this… I felt bad for myself… (I can’t even sleep- it’s 1:36 am here- because I’m still kinda disturbed).

So anyway, when I was in 11th I got harassed by my junior in my school van. I remember how I felt when he touched me… I-

*deep breaths*

I think I don’t have to run away from that memory and just deal with it!

So he touched me. Twice!

And me? My mind went blank… I had tears in my eyes (funny, because I feel numb now that I’m blogging about it) and I didn’t even realise I was holding my breath until the bus stopped.

I didn’t yell or slap him or defend myself. I did nothing. I just… I froze.

My sister was sitting in the front seat and I don’t even remember what I was thinking (what was going on in my mind) at that time.

Just blank… black… numb…

Kind of like, I died or something.

I remember how I felt. Vividly.

I felt powerless. I felt like, this boy (who’s younger than me) is taking away the freedom of my body! I felt like no one can touch me there and that I’d never feel okay because I knew, the boy touched me and now there’s a mark. Always.

And I’ve to carry that mark with me.

I know he’s the one who should be embarrassed but I can’t help myself because I pity me and I wanna get rid of that mark.

That black mark. The dark mark.

And ever since when a guy stares at me a bit too long I can’t help myself but panic. I’m not like judging him or anything… but ptsd I guess..

I was okay for some days and a year after that the drama finally got over (in real life and in my head…).

And then recently…

I take the public transport (the bus) when there’s no one to pick me up from college.

And please understand when I say I’m a pampered kid…

My parents were very overprotective and strict and concerned about my whereabouts and as much as I was happy to travel alone by myself independently… life proves me wrong..

I got in a crowded bus one day because it was raining and I was in a hurry. I couldn’t find myself seat to sit because TOO MANY PEOPLE AND TOO EW!

So I stood there among other ladies.

Now, pay attention to this: it’s actually casual that men kinda accidentally touch a women in the bus. And okay, I understand that. But what I don’t understand is how ugly a men’s mind can get.

Please don’t get mad at me. I respect men. But men like him- someone who touches without consent does not give an opportunity to understand good men.

“And good men doesn’t get enough credits because of these hell deserving people.”

My friend told me that and I think it’s very disappointing.

So that guy, actually took advantage of the crowded bus and touched me…

I know it might have been a mistake but it’s my body and I’d know if someone touch me with a bad intention.

And he gave me a smile…

Oh. My. God.

There was that feeling. That… painful and powerless feeling…

He should be the one disgusted for touching me without my permission. Yet, there I was. The second time. Nothing changed.

I never told anyone. I tried to forget.

And then…

Few days back (and a few days later that bus incident) we all came to know that a professor in my college tried to assault a student of him.

I-

*sigh*

She went and complained to the cops and they took immediate action.

I was so proud of her! What she did was right and awesome!! I just wanted to know who she was and go and give her a big hug!!!

But I felt so overwhelmingly numb.

Because 1. I got that feeling when I heard the news and 2. The feeling got worse when I knew that I actually spoke and exchanged numbers with that professor.

However, my friends were supportive and this one guy was really sweet and I actually slept that night because of him.❤️

And the girl was okay. Because of her many other girls came forward and filed a complaint on him and they arrested him. So good!🥰

But I wanna know.

It’s been happening a lot recently and many girls (young girls) have suicided because that’s how much of a mental stress and pain this is!

What’s wrong with men? Or women who harass men? (Because that happens too and no one talks about it)

Why do people force their sexual desires on the opposite gender? What pleasure do they get?

I really don’t understand what childhood trauma they went through or what psychological predicament they deal with it’s just so downright frustrating!

But I’ve been a victim of this and I wanna share my thoughts and views on this!

What do you think? What kind of punishment do these people deserve? (I’ve one disturbing torture in my mind that my friend suggested… but okay. Let’s save it.)

Let’s have a discussion about this on the comments below…

Christmas Vibes Ft. Chennai

Ah… Chennai is such a hot city.

Not many people like this heat but I love it. It feels like home.

I hate how the heat dries my hair and makes it super frizzy and I hate how tanned I am (I look like a chocolate and vanilla ice cream combination..)

BUT!

The heat… the sun… the summer… it feels like home.

It’s December right now.

And December means snow and Christmas!!!

I love Christmas!

I know, I know. I’m a Muslim.

But Christmas is for everyone. Issa vibe!

There’s holidays and cakes and presents and happiness and laughter!!! I just adore the celebration. It’s so pretty!

Even though I love the heat I kinda wish it snows here.

Everything is magical when it snows.

Don’t you agree?

Look at Switzerland during December!😩❤️

My friend sent me that picture. It’s so beautiful! Isn’t it? It’s magical!

I know I can’t handle the cold but it’s snow!!!!

Anyway, in Tamil this month is called “Margazhi” (pronounced mar-ga-li. I’m sorry if it’s wrong..😅).

My friend told me that it’s such a magical month and mostly many people are born during this time period… I guess he said from September to December. (I was also born during this month so I’m magic!😂)

But okay.

I was coming back home from college and all I could think was…

Wow… it’s actually December and Chennai is scorching hot!

We had to stop in a shop and get tender coconut to drink because oh. My. God!

Just too much heat!

And the shop owner was a kind gentleman who made my day!

I bet Christmas would be amazing with a touch of summer vibes too. Don’t you think?

What are your thoughts on this?

I bet New York and London is pretty much dolled up this time of the year.

However, summer Christmassy vibes is good too!😂❤️ ( Just a South Indian girl aching to see snow ❄️).

What do you think? Christmas and summer go well together?

Comment down your thoughts on this below!

Until next time.

xoxo

Life Update!

Haiii everyone.

I know it’s been so long since I last blogged (my one year anniversary post doesn’t count!)

I’ve been saying that I’ve too many college work and yes but also I’ve been struggling.

But I’m not gonna just say about the bad things. Imma mention some good stuff too.

I guess I’ll start with the good ones because that’ll help me feel better.

So here goes…

MY DAD IS ALLOWING ME TO STUDY M.A ENGLISH!!!

I’ve always wanted to do higher education and my dads finally allowing me for that. He told I can do anything with my education but I shouldn’t get distracted and disrespect him.

If he’s seriously talking about boys and stuff he really has nothing to worry about because boys dump me 😎 (hiding pain behind coolers).

I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!!!!

Anyway, I’ve finally got the chance to pursue my higher education and I’ve always wanted to do it in Loyola College, Chennai (I’ve also wanted to go abroad and study..) but let’s see. I’m having second thoughts and I’m already in pain. So I need some guidance and before that I’ve to finish my degree.

The second best thing in my life (which is also the first but okay) are dogs.

In my religion, dogs are not allowed inside the house because there’s a belief that angels won’t come if there are dogs.

I believe that dogs are the actual angels and that’s why other angels aren’t allowed because…

Oh gosh! Dogs are the best.!

They make me so happy.

My friend has this German Shepard named Sam and he brings it to my home for me and my little sister to play with whenever I’m kinda sad and after seeing Sam my mood instantly changes.

I really need a doggo of my own and I swear to god I’ll be more than the happiest girl on the entire universe!

Few days back I saw a Labrador that looked like the dog “Jimmy” we had and I missed him.

We had him when I was a kid and he used to be my best friend because I was the first child and I had no one to play with.

It was my grandfathers dog but me and Jimmy play a lot. He’s very protective of me and is always around me.

But he grew, he got old and sick and he died…

I was a kid at that time… I guess I was studying in 5th grade… I’m not sure…

But I know that I haven’t completely gotten over the fact that my first best friend isn’t here anymore…

I miss him.

My grandad never got another dog after him because he couldn’t handle the pain of losing Jimmy and I guess that’s why I didn’t even bother to ask for another dog because I was scared.

But now I want a dog. I don’t know what changed but few years back I wanted to get a dog and name him “Jimmy”. ❤️‍🩹

Anyway.

Good things are pretty much over I guess.

Bad things… there are a list…

Apparently, I’m depressed and heartbroken.

That ain’t me. I’m usually the sunshine and glitter confetti.

I just have no energy to deal with people so I uninstalled Instagram.

I wanted to relax, feel the sadness and just stay in bed and read like there’s no tomorrow!

BUT I HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE BECAUSE I’M COMPLETELY PACKED WITH COLLEGE WORK!!!

I was kinda free yesterday so I did some reading on the essay and then I slept early so I guess I’m okay now.

I just need some personal space to let me feel all the pain.

I feel like the past is haunting me. (That’ll be like a whole other blog. Maybe next time.)

So I’ve been hurting mentally and physically.

I wanna deal with it but I find no time for that.

Two of my guy friends keep checking on me and I guess the others are mad at me or worried sick and I wanna get better for them.

I’m just… I feel sick to my stomach whenever I wanna deal with it myself.

I feel like all these pain is too overwhelming because…

Past, present and the future I’m worried about. People I care are also in pain and that is making me sad. There are family issues going on… I’m overthinking…

My heart palpitates and I sweat and I wanna open my eyes but I’m just too terrified of that and I don’t know! I just don’t know what I’m feeling or what I’m thinking but it’s like there’s too many voices in my head screaming for help.

And this is not me. I wanna get better. I wanna be okay.

I’m always just okay. Because whenever I’m happy someone I care about always get hurt. (It’s happened like a million times already.)

Ross Geller is my mood 😂❤️

I’m so sorry for the rants. Rants are over now.

But I wanna know about your opinion on this.

What do you think I should do? Have you ever dealt with constant mood swings? Have you ever felt like you were too toxic to be around people you care about…?

What did you do and how did it help?

Let me know it in the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

One Year Anniversary!!!

Hey people!

I know it’s been so long but I’ve been having a busy schedule and I still have so much work to catch up on but…

OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!

It’s been a year since I started blogging on WordPress!

I cannot be thankful enough for you guys because I had an amazing time blogging about stuff I love and you guys have always been nice to me and encouraged me throughout this entire one year journey!

I’m so glad to have achieved this and I’m proud to share it with you guys!

Thank you so much for the constant support and love! ❤️❤️❤️

I hope I get the same through thick and thin!

XOXO 🥰❤️

Travel blog #2: Yercaud, Tamil Nadu, India.

Hey everyone!!

I’m so excited to blog about this because the last two days I was all happy to make time to blog about this so here it goes !😂

I went on a family vacation to Yercaud. But before that I went to my native Coimbatore. I was so happy to meet my aunt and baby cousins after so long! But I also missed my grandfather so I’m kinda having mood swings about that right now…

However, I had a great time in Yercaud.

It’s such a beautiful place to visit and I took many pictures and videos to share it with you guys!🥰

The time we went was very cold and all the time I was like 🥶🥶🥶🥶.

Literally!

But I also told myself to enjoy it because I had to. Being bummed about the coldness won’t do me any good. It’ll just spoil my mood and my family’s mood so I tried to enjoy as much as I could.

This was the first picture I took.

It’s not a big place but on the way up to the place I found cute waterfalls and I couldn’t resist taking pictures because they were so adorable.

Yercaud, Tamil Nadu.

There was fog almost everywhere!

We went to visit all the view points but we couldn’t see anything because it was all misty and the fog almost covered everything. That’s such a bummer but the places were still looking super pretty!

Kiliyur Falls.

This place was so good!!!

We had to climb down a lot of steps and climbing up was even more hard because it was so tough and I started to breathe heavily like I was about to have a panic attack or something.

But thankfully one lady put up a tea stall here.

I sat at the small plastic chair and started talking with her and it was so fun. She said there are lots of monkeys here that steal snacks that are kept for the people and it’s so hard because she had to always keep an eye on them.

While she was talking a monkey was sitting a few steps down and looked at me all innocent and I was all like, “aww 🥰” but the lady was like, “don’t trust the dude he’s very cunning”. And that made me laugh because…

Look at this cutie 🥰.

I didn’t give him any snacks because I didn’t have anything with me and I was afraid that it’s not healthy for them to eat.

So I went all the way up.

My legs are hurting now though.🥲

The next day we went to see the lake but again it was all foggy so we literally couldn’t see ourselves. But I loved the place!

Yercaud Lake.

This isn’t the lake it’s a garden surrounded by the lake.

I loved it here mostly because I got lost in the fog and couldn’t find my parents or my sisters but I went around by myself and enjoyed my own company and took many pictures and videos and sat down for a while and took in the silence and the calmness of the place and mist.

I loved it!☺️💕

And then at the end I called my dad and he was scared because it was all foggy and he couldn’t find me but okay I enjoyed myself 😂.

Next we went to this “Poppy Hills” adventure stuff because my sisters wanted to go.

I didn’t go in anything because it was kinda drizzling and I had a terrible headache but I was playing with some cute animals they had there.

He was too cute to be true!

He came and looked right into my camera and licked my fingers and I wanted to kidnap him because I hated that he was caged!

I don’t know if the rabbits a he or a she but still.

And these cuties just… 😫❤️

They were so adorable and they played with me and they made these cute noises that was so calming!

Last night we set up a campfire and it was soooooo good.

After two whole days of coldness I had enough pain with that weather and I wanted to jump right in!

No joke!

🔥

It was good.

Anyway, I had a good time and I’m so happy that I blogged about this. And shared it with you guys.

I hope you visit this place. Mostly during November and December if you love cold.

What are your thoughts on this?

What other places do you think is as beautiful as Yercaud?

I’d love to visit them soon and blog about it!

Until next time.

xoxo

Travel blog #1: Hidden Lake, Chennai.

Hey everyone!

It’s been a while since I last blogged.

I got busy with academic work but also tired of everything once I loved to do.

Anyway, balancing between college and having fun has been kinda hard but it was so good.

I bunked college to go on a “bro date” with my best friend.

It was amazing! I had such a great time! 🥰

I had to beg him for a week to take me to this beautiful place “Hidden Lake”.

It is a very private place like there’s not many people who visit there because thanks to some drunkards who create unnecessary drama!

There’s no story behind the place but OMG it’s like a “Netflix thriller series” kinda lake.

Hidden Lake, Nanganallur, Chennai.

I’m so glad this place exists here because it’s so terrifyingly beautiful.

Terrifying because many murders, rapes, suicides and other vulgar, disturbing things have happened.

Beautiful because it’s so calm and collected. I mean… look at the picture!

My friend was so concerned about my safety that we just spent little time there. But oh my goodness!

The weather was soooooooo good!

It was kinda drizzling and cold and chill and we took pictures and threw stones at the lake.

Climbing up the hill was not so good because I got tired easily and my friend was teasing me.

Hey! I’ve a tiny body!😂

Anyway, I would recommend you people to visit this local place whenever you’re here but with some guy you trust.

What are your thoughts on this?

Comment some beautiful places I could visit in Chennai locally to blog about the beauty of it!

Until next time.

xoxo

Durga Ashtami~ Indian Festival #3.

Hey guys.

Yesterday something weird happened.

Yesterday was Durga Ashtami… I’m so sorry if the spelling is wrong.

I love Hindu traditions. I love all religious traditions.

I respect them.

I went to my neighbours home because they invited us.

They had decorated with golu dolls and I found it so pretty!

I mean… look at it. It’s beautiful!

My first intention was to take pictures and ask people about the tradition and write about it.

Of course I couldn’t do that.

They were praying so I just took pictures and saw them pray.

Instead I posted a story on Instagram.

People went crazy!

I’m not gonna lie.

They were like,

“Aren’t you a Muslim?”

“Woah! Why have you decorated?”

“What the hell?! Your a Muslim!”

Like, please!

What’s so wrong?!

What did I do wrong?

Did I do something wrong?!

I just found it so pretty! So I posted a story.

My religion has nothing to do with why I posted a story!

I’m an atheist.

I’ve trouble believing in God. But I respect people for being spiritual and religious. However, that doesn’t work if you don’t respect other religions.

People hurt me.

They think being a Muslim is not good to post pictures of a Hindu religion.

And as much as that sounds ridiculous… that’s how it was last night.

All are human beings and all worship God.

But we have different believes.

That is all.

I found it so insulting and it hurt that they didn’t like me “being a Muslim” get involved with their religion matter.

What do you think about it? Do you think this is healthy for a society? Especially with Indian society which have many religions!

Also I would very much love to hear about Navratri!

Anyone interested can comment down the tradition and history behind it! (I’m just super curious)

Until next time.

xoxo

Be Kind to your Mind.♥️

October 10,2021.

World Mental Health Day.

I know that many people don’t take mental pain seriously. And I also see many people who need professional help but hesitates because of the family.

I just want to say that mental health is no joke and one should take care of it because that’s how you stay sane.

Many people out there are going through battles you know nothing about so it wouldn’t hurt to be kind to them.

Choose kindness.

It helps you and others around you.

Check on your loved ones and don’t forget yourself.

And if anyone wants to talk about anything personal at all I’m all ears.

You matter. You are loved. 🥰💞

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

I love you all.

You deserve peace and love!💫💝

xoxo

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