Who Am I? An Entry for my Younger Self.

Devil in Disguise.

I look at myself in the mirror… I see me. I look the same. I wear the same glasses I’ve been wearing for the last three years. The curly hair that I loathed so much fall in my face, I just grew to love my hair.

However, I don’t feel like that’s me. I don’t feel the same.

I honestly thought I was getting better. I thought I knew myself. But I don’t.

Who am I?

Lots of people ask these question to themselves. Who are you? Who am I?

I don’t know. I wish I did. I mean, it’s so frustrating to not understand why I’m doing whatever the hell I’m doing!

I’m fasting. I know I don’t believe in the Big Guy. But at least I should respect the religion and it’s traditions. It’s just driving me crazy!!!

I feel like I’m back to square one. I feel like I’m starting to hate myself. Not physically… no. Mentally and emotionally I’m hating myself.

I know that I’m kinda messed up with the break up and family issues. But that’s no excuse for me to act out in a way that my younger self would be disappointed!

I used to be an innocent girl who loved to read Dork Diaries and have imaginative boyfriend (who never hurt me). I used to write in diaries and talk to myself through that to make me understand what I’m feeling and solve my problem. I never go around kissing people who has a girlfriend! Or I never disrespected myself to just physically give pleasures…

No one forced me on anything. It was my decision and I’m the one to blame.

I feel like I’m so lost.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life… or what I’m going to do with it. Or how to deal with it.

I just wanna go for a long drive somewhere. But it doesn’t work that way. And the pandemic doesn’t make matters any good either!

Growing up really hurts! I know that my age is where everything feels overwhelming and scary. But I can’t help it!

Have any of you felt this way? If you did, how did you overcome it? What did you do?

Share it with me on the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

Ramadan Memes~*

Ramadan Memes ~*

Halal MeMes.😂❤️

For me fasting is kinda hard. I have a weak body that easily gets tired. And I’m cranky when I don’t get enough food or sleep. (I mean who isn’t?)

However, Ramadan is a time for spirituality. It’s a blessing.

Most of the time I try to read Quran and I don’t listen to music… but in the end… who am I kidding?!

Astaghfirullah! But I end up watching Netflix!

And then I feel guilty and repent when I pray.

But then again… what for? I’m kinda having trouble in believing in the Big Guy….

That aside… to every Muslims who’s fasting … these memes can help you out.

I’ve seen this page on Instagram that’s amazing. I love that page… it’s relatable and it makes me laugh and I don’t do haram stuff.

So I’m sharing some of the memes here.

💯
Don’t mess with me!!!
Mmhmm
It really be like that💀
🤡💀
Peace ✌🏻
Wth bruh!
🙂
😴💀
Ex sinner for this month😌
Ahem ahem👊🏻

There are many amazing memes and posts on this page the.jinn and too.halal.for.u . You can follow this page and check it out if whatever memes I shared made you smile!

🥰❤️💫

Until next time.

xoxo

HAPPY TAMIL NEW YEAR!✨ AND RAMADAN MUBARAK ☪️

Have a safe and happy Tamil New Year!

I know it’s late wishes but I was fasting and then I had to break my fast because I got my periods😑.

But whatever it’s never too late to wish!!

Ramadan Mubarak 🌙

Better Days are Coming!

xoxo

How to get Over Him?

He was a Man of Many Words, but Never a Man of His Word.

Every time I think I’m over him, I do some shit or the other to prove myself wrong that I didn’t!

It’s making me sad.

I screwed up real bad last night.

I risked… I don’t know what happened… but I risked everything… my whatever the hell is left off freedom… to meet a guy who isn’t my boyfriend but my friend. “His” best friend who has a girlfriend.

We made out!

I felt empty. It was like I was searching “Him”! It was so messed up.

I admit that “His” best friend kind of looks likes him… but what was I expecting?!

I realised that I felt empty and I was scared that I’ll always feel the same.

When did it all get so complicated?! This is the question I ask myself over and over!

I wanted to text Him but I didn’t because I knew that it’ll hurt me more. I want to cry but I couldn’t.

One problem at a time, right?

I googled How to get over someone you loved… I did everything google told me.

I deleted the contacts and the pictures. I didn’t text him even when I freaking wanted to. I had so much control. I worked on myself and I was getting better!

But I screwed it up by doing shit. I’m not proud of myself.

All the memories we created… it just haunts me!

I’m so exhausted pretending like everything is fine and I’ll be alright.

I’m not fine!

Hopefully I will be. It’s my pain. At first I was running from it. Maybe I should just feel it. I mean pain is meant to be felt, right? It’s overwhelming… but I’ll do anything to make me feel better.

These are some quotes I felt relatable and probably will help girls who are reading this… who are going through the same shit I’m dealing with right now… I hope it’ll help.

Grow through what you go through.

You have to let it all go. The way he kissed you, the he smelled, the way he touched your waist and pulled you in. You have to let it go and you have to let him go. Because thats who he was, not who he is.

If he’s stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go.

Don’t worry. You may think you’ll ever get over it, but you also thought it’ll last forever.

If you were happy before you knew him, you can be happy when he’s gone.

Sometimes, you need to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

No more tears, because I didn’t lose you, you lost me.

He has moved on, now it’s your turn.

I feel better after blogging about this. I should have done this sooner… I just thought it was too much but I didn’t knew it would just make me feel light… as if some weight off my shoulders is lifted off.

I know I’m not perfect.

And I don’t want to pretend like I’m the good girl who’s happy because I’m not.

My friend once told me that being sad is a part of life… maybe now or maybe for ever and it’s my pain. Right people will always find you and make you feel loved.

I’m sad right now and it’s making me feel vulnerable. But it also made me blog about it and I’m one step closer to You.

Everyone are welcomed to share what you think about this.

What are your thoughts on this? Did the quotes I shared help? Or was it cheesy and made you smile?

xoxo

Summer!!!🌻

Everything is Fine when there is Sunshine.☀️

I love summer.

Even though it’s scorching hot and makes me sweat an entire ocean… I love it!

I love the hotness and the dryness and the ray of sun falling on my face… the bright light!

Summer in Chennai is unbelievable! It’s very hot! Saying that as if sun is near our face is an understatement!

What’s beautiful about this season is that there’s mangoes… yayy!! I love mangoes… it’s yum 🤤.

And there’s tender coconut 🌴.

A visit to the beach to wet my toes and my hair tousled is an amazing feel!!!

•PALM TREES, OCEAN BREEZE, SALTY AIR AND SUNKISSED HAIR•

Dear Summer,

You are my favourite.❤️☀️✨

Love,

ME!

What are your thoughts on this? Do you love summer as much as I do?

What do You Believe?

I used to be a believer. Now I’m not. I don’t know why. Or how it happened.

I studied in an Islamic school and they teach us about the God and the satan. They told us that God made a deal with the devil(who used to be an angel) and that’s how we humans cease to exist.

Charming.

As a Muslim myself, the sole purpose is to completely give my soul, heart and my mind to our One and Only God.

And then I realised… after my grandfathers death, I realised… I wondered to be honest, what will happen to him? My grandfather was a good man. So he’ll to go to heaven right? If heaven and hell and afterlife is there… I’ll meet him there.

What if it doesn’t exist? What if there is no soul?

Many of us question ourselves, what is the use of our life? What’s the meaning to it? God knows (if he exists…?)

I felt guilty. Lost. Scared.

I don’t think anyone knows the answer to it.

My mom and dad will freak out if I tell them I don’t believe in the Big Guy. So I pretend I pray.

Yeah, I know. Sue me.

It isn’t fair. It isn’t right, I know that. It’s like teasing God himself.

Which is total crap.

I talked to my friend about it. He said that even he stopped praying. And he also said that if devil exist it is us humans.

But what if the one who doesn’t believe in god are the actual devils?

This is very philosophical… and confusing… and it runs deep. This kind of thing has its own history.

I’ve no patience for that.

I don’t believe in God and I hate myself for that because that’s all the hope we have, right?

Everyone search’s for an answer.

I’m doing the same.

But what about you? What do you think? What do you believe in?

Share it with me on the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

Shab -e- Barat Mubarak!🌙✨

I’m fasting today and I totally forgot about blogging about this…😅

Shab- e- Barat Mubarak!!!

Allah calls: “Is there anyone who is asking for forgiveness so that I can forgive them, who is in distress that I may relieve his distress, is there anyone who needs rizq (food) that I may give it to him. And this continues till the morning.”

It is said by our Prophet (pbuh) that at the fifteenth night of Shaban (an Arabic month) we have to observe praying during the night and fast during the day because the God Almighty descends from the heaven and give forgiveness and blessings to those who ask for it.

Happy Shab -e- Barat to every Muslim Ummah!❤️

xoxo

(P.S. My next post will be very difficult to blog about but I think I’ll take my time and blog about it and hopefully you people will help me with your constant support and kind words!🥰)

Happy Holi ~ Indian Festival #2

Festival of Colours!

I know I’m kinda a day late to wish but… HAPPY HOLI!!!🌈✨

Holi is amazing! It’s beautiful and colourful and filled with fun and laughter! I enjoy it very much with my friends.

This festival is about the good winning over the evil…?

I’m sorry I don’t quite know what it’s all about… I really hope one of you explain the story down in the comments…😅

Have a safe and happy Holi to all the Indian family! (And to everyone else.)

Until next time.

xoxo

Ask Me A Question.

Hello people!

On today’s blog I’m doing something different.

My friends do this on Instagram… they let everyone in their following list to ask them questions and they share it on their stories.

I’ve never done that because it was too much work!🤣

However, I know what all my friends would tell about me. I want to know what you guys think about me or the other way around.

It’s a cheesy and immature interaction but it’ll be fun!!!

I took this from my Instagram account.

Everyone are welcome to ask me anything and I can’t wait to answer those questions!😍

xoxo

Wait, WHAT?!

Oh my goodness gracious!!! I can’t even..!!

No words in the dictionary can describe what I’m feeling right now!!!

I remember that it was just a few days back when I posted for 50 followers and now 100?!

Thank you so much!!!

You guys are like family… except far far away, but still a beautiful family!

Thank you so much for the support and kind words (especially to the girls I made good friendship with!)

Hope I get more followers and support from you guys further on.

With so much love, hope and positivity… I’m moving forward…

🥰😭❤️

xoxo 💋

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