Voices In My Head.

I shut my ears with both my hands while I crawl under the blanket and try to get my beauty sleep.

I can’t sleep and I get annoyed and I want to cry but I can’t.

I try to calm myself and no matter how much I try… It doesn’t help at all. So I lay on my bad staring at the roof… Watching the fan turn around and around.

Night is silent. Calm.

It’s ironic because there’s voices in my head screaming. I try to let them fade away. They wouldn’t budge! I try to find out what those voices are telling me.

I just can’t… I can’t! I don’t have the strength to confront them or whatever.

Mostly because I’m scared. Or I’m just running away from it. Because I’m scared.

I’m freaked out. I know. I’m trying though. I’m trying to listen to them… But there’s so many loud voices and I can’t concentrate on just one.

It’s like… In a very dark room… Filled with so many people chattering… I’m like stuck in the middle and I can’t get out. Now those people… They are talking to me… I can’t get what they are trying to say… But I’m freaking out… Probably even having my panic attack and I want to find a door to lead me out.

I can’t find that door. So I can’t sleep.

There I lay again. Wide awake.

It’s been weeks. I can’t sleep properly. And even if I do… It’s very disturbed.

Now I sprained my neck and it bloody hurts and thanks to that… I can’t sleep at all!!!

What do you think? Is there something that will help me? Am I the only one feeling this way…?

Share it with me on the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

Offline Classes…?

Hey guys!

I haven’t blogged in a while because I was busy with exams (and I completed it successfully! Hope I score well… And thanks to those who wished me luck!😊) And tomorrow my college opens.

I am freaking out because this is my first year and I’ve been having online classes all these months. Now college opens and I don’t know how I’ll manage to survive in a different atmosphere.

I remember feeling the same way when I changed school at 11th grade because it was a Christian school and I was scared I’d never fit in or the kids would bully me or judge me.

However, I survived. Those two years I studied there was amazing with wonderful (and some regretful) memories.

I’ve heard that college isn’t the same as highschool.

I’m never mature. College is supposed to be mature and sophisticated right? I’ve no idea how I’ll manage that. I mean… I’m clumsy and I act like I’m a kid.

I’ve met my college mates once or twice and they seem nice. But that doesn’t stop me from freaking out!!

I’m anxious… Have I got everything I need? Do I need to get something else? The mask is so big it fits my whole face!!!πŸ˜­πŸ˜‚

I need to calm myself and mind my own business. I’ll be alright… Right?

Hopefully.

What do you think? Are any of you in the same position as I’m in? I could use some wise advice.

(I miss my school and friends so much!!!😭)

Share it with me on the comments.

Wish me luck (I very much need it!).

Until next time.

xoxo

All the Single Ladies, Now put your Hands Up!

Only a Genius could Love a Women like She.

I have one last exam tomorrow and I know I said that I’m gonna take a break for studying (but this is kinda like a break from studying!). Although it sucks that I’m studying on Valentine’s Day! (All the same it’s not like I have someone to celebrate it with.πŸ˜‚)

However, that is completely fine.

I don’t know how many girls are single here, I just want to say that… Screw the boy who broke your heart! And to those who haven’t felt heart break… Please don’t get into a relationship and fall in love… You are so much fine without a guy.πŸ˜‰

To be honest, being in a relationship is crap! ( The starting is fun and exciting but later…? Total crap! I would not recommend it!πŸ™ŠπŸ˜‚)

I was in a toxic relationship and I gotta admit… I’m not over the boy (he’s amazing and I genuinely believe he’s got a good heart despite everything that he’s done) but I’m very much over with whatever the hell we had!

After all, what he did was the right thing and I’m thankful that he set me free of the obsessive, scared and sad part of myself.

I’m surprised that I’m single and happy because for the last, um… Two to three years..? ( I don’t know!) I had a boyfriend.

Nonetheless, on this valentine’s day I’m gonna celebrate it by myself. Since I have improved self love, I’m gonna get chocolates and flowers for… Me! πŸ€­πŸ™ˆβ€οΈ

All in all, be happy and Love Yourself. Your Amazing and you deserve your own attention!

Self Love is not Selfish.

You don’t need a guy or a girl to make you feel complete and worthy.

Valentine’s Day is not just for couples… It’s also for all the single men and women who are (and I can’t stress this much) MATURE enough to take a break to learn about yourself.

It’s just Me, Myself and I. (Plus coffee, food, books and Netflix.😌)

Happy Valentine’s Day!!! πŸ₯°

What are your thoughts on this? Share it with me on the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

50 Followers!!! Proud of Myself.πŸ₯Ίβ€οΈ

Thank you so much!!!πŸ₯°

I can’t even believe that my followers have been increasing… And even though it’s not that much… I’ve learnt to appreciate the small things because I hope it’s a small step to a big success.

Thanks for all your support and kind words. It made me feel loved and I enjoyed blogging and writing about what I found interesting.

I totally adore and love you all!πŸ€—β€οΈ

xoxo

Semester Exams and Obviously… Stress.

Hello People!

You probably know what this blog is about.

Shocker!πŸ˜‚

Today, I had no idea what happened but I felt tired and feverish. When I freaked out and googled about it I found out it was chronic stress and mostly because I’m anemic.

I thought I was overthinking about my ex (I kinda was. Typical me!πŸ™„) However, I was worried about my college exams and everything.

Without a doubt, I truly need marks if I intend to do my masters (and I want to, you don’t say!)

So I’m gonna start studying. Plus they plan to open the college and if the semesters aren’t via online, then I’m dead meat!

You probably think I’m over reacting.

What am I supposed to do when my family are trying to get me married?!

I need a leverage, something or anything… A loophole or whatever to escape this insanity! Or at least push it away for the time being… You can’t, in the end avoid the inevitable.

Moreover, getting my master’s seems smart… I’ve planned to study in a good college and for that I need marks.

For those Indian girls with dreams and life and everything, here are some good and simple advice for a stress free exam revision so you could earn good grades…

(btw I got this from Pinterest.😬)

HOW TO DIVIDE YOUR TIME BEFORE AN EXAM…?

2 Weeks Before…

  • Make a plan.
  • Space out in smaller parts.
  • As often and as little as possible.

1 Week Before…

  • Look over study materials.
  • Find someone to study with. (This is unfortunately very hard for me to do… And it’s mostly distracting… I had my CBSE Accountancy board exams… I freaked out because we’ll… I HATE that subject to the Rotten Core! I went to my friends house to get help studying and ended up going through Instagram and taking pictures!πŸ™ŠπŸ˜‚ So… Not very effective.) If you do want help from someone… Get a very serious person.🀭 That way you will actually study without stalling!

The Night Before…

  • Don’t cram all the information at once.
  • Do a review.
  • Relax and get enough sleep. (Really hard but you have to…)

The Morning…

  • Have a good filling, healthy breakfast.
  • Make sure to be on time. (Follow the above advice so you don’t end up over sleeping and rush like your hair is on fire or something!)

An Hour Before…

  • Relax and hangout with friends.

A Few Minutes Before…

  • Take a deep breath and stay calm.

(If you’re the typical student that keeps procrastinating… Pray to God! πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜‚ It worked for me.πŸ˜‰)

After…

  • Don’t overthink it and move on.
  • Don’t discuss the question paper. I repeat! DO NOT DISCUSS THE QUESTION PAPER!! You know what I mean.πŸ˜‚

That is all guys.

Oh! And I’m gonna take a break and concentrate on my studies until semester gets over…

So Good Luck for whoever is writing their exams!πŸ€—β€οΈ (And for those who aren’t… Well… Good Luck when you’re writing your exams!) Hope we all do well!!

Until next time.

xoxo

Okay, What About Fictional Characters?

Go where you feel the most Alive~

What about it?

I have seen many movies and read many books so that concludes – I have a lot of fictional crushes.

Countless girls be like, “Oh my God! My crush doesn’t know that I exist”

Gurl! My crush doesn’t even exist!

There’s a quote saying “Good Boys only exist in Books“.

That is very accurate.

Take Klaus Mikaelson for example (for those of y’all who don’t know him… WHAT?! Google him. Pronto!)

He’s a toxic, 1000 year old Original vampire. He’s paranoid, doesn’t trust anyone and convinced himself that kindness makes him look weak.

AKA he’s a ruthless beast!

Be that as it may, there’s so much to him than all that I’ve mentioned above.

His love for his family is always and forever. Even though he doesn’t want to feel, he fell in love with a human girl. He was an amazing father to his daughter. Furthermore he was redeemed.

Now how cool does this sound?

These people from movies, series, and books are just amazing!

Please tell me that I’m not the only one who feels this way…?πŸ˜‚

What do you think? Do you have a favorite fictional character? Or a crush on them?

Share it with me in the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

Dear Diary… Down Memory Lane.

Every Day is a Day You’ve Never seen Before.

When was the last time anyone has ever written… In a book… Using a pen?

I’ve had the habit of writing in a diary from 6th grade. I changed my school that year and everything was new to me. It was an Islamic school and I didn’t know that boys and girls shouldn’t socialise or talk or even glance at each other for a second.

I loathed being in that school.

Kids had a very bad attitude. The girls used to bully me. I was very innocent those days that I didn’t even know my seniors were cussing at me!

The teachers were vey controlling and it made me feel like they were biased or something.

I used to feel alone. I’ve had many friends in my old school. Boys and girls talk and even play with eachother.

I used to cry and tell mom to change school. Of course my mom was worried so she told my class teacher. (Now I’m embarassed!πŸ˜€πŸ˜‚)

My class teacher suggested that I write what I feel when I’m alone.

I did. Ergo the addiction!

I let out all my emotions and thoughts using words.

I have a collection of diaries from all these years.

Anyhow, to be honest it’s damn cringey (and that is an understatement) to read that now. Having said that I stopped writing in a diary.

I felt like having a diary was immature.

I started watching Netflix for distraction (moreover it’s amazing!)

After my break up, I was so scared and lost. I couldn’t even trust myself to have an actual diary.

So I downloaded a diary app from play store and typed to keep records of what I’m feeling.

With all due respect… It was nothing compared to how writing in an actual book made me feel.

I was afraid at the thought that I’ll just outgrow my love for writing.

Before long I started blogging.

Despite everything, I still write in a book before I post a blog.

Call me old fashioned or whatever but writing in a paper using a pen is euphoric!

I used to write in a diary for myself. At present I’m blogging for everyone else to read.

So I’m upgraded, right?

Kinda.πŸ˜‚

Dear Diary,

Thanks for being my inhuman best friend. I’ve shared my rantings, tears, happiness, tore some of your pages when I was angry (and I’m terribly sorry for that). Nobody knew me the way You did. Even though You couldn’t talk, I had a great company. I hope I start writing in a Diary again. But until then… xoxo.

I just wanted to blog and write about this.

What do you think? Did you have a diary? Are you still writing or did you stop?

Share it with me in the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY!!

Freedom in Mind, Faith in Words, Pride in our Heart, Memories in our Souls. Let’s Salute the Nation on REPUBLIC DAY.

I’m not very patriotic. Neither is my family so we don’t really get excited at Republic Day.

However, I’m an ex economics student so it’s only fair that I at least blog about it.😬

Many many years ago the Founding Fathers of the Indian republic – Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru, B. R. Ambedkar, Subas Chandra Bose, and Vallabhbhai Patel – guided the new nation and United it’s people.

And since 1950, every year in India on January 26 Republic Day is celebrated.

Nevertheless, to be honest… British would have ruled India way better than these money sucking, selfish politicians.

Even so… We’re proud Indians.πŸ˜‚βš‘

Despite every problems we face… We do help eachother.

Many Religions one Name.

So to all the Indians out there (and Britishers and Americans… Because whichever citizen you are… Y’all are humans.😌) Happy Republic Day!!

Until next time.

xoxo

Happily Ever After…?

β€’Anything for Loveβ€’

This was very weird. At least to me.

Yesterday I went to my grandparents home. I had no idea what was going on but I was happy that I was going to meet my cousin’s.

The vibe was very weird and I knew that my parents or the others didn’t want to talk about the obvious – my uncle fell in love with a Hindu girl.

I was so disgusted! We are people and we get feelings… But we can’t control to whom we get it for.

Of course my grandfather didn’t want anyone to know because… Oh well… The family’s reputation will be gone. Nevertheless it’s his son so he’ll do something about it. ( I absolutely freaking HATE the inequality here!!)

And guess what he did? Well… I don’t know the exact story… But the girl is converting into a Muslim. Now everyone around were saying that she loved and wanted to enter into Islam. However I felt like this wasn’t right. Call it intuition or whatever… It didn’t feel right and it definitely didn’t make any sense!

Deep down… In the depths of my tortured soul πŸ˜‚… I have a very bad feeling about this.

They could have got together without giving either of their religion. Because it’s their life… They have to decide. They love eachother. Don’t they? Why give up what they believe? Would my family do the same for my happiness?It doesn’t work like that over here. The Desi aunties and crappy relatives always have to gossip about something or anything and create a rumour that very much spread faster than Corona. I swear!

I want my uncle to be happy. And I hope that my family didn’t force that poor women to convert.

If I was small I would have very much felt like this was absolutely the right thing to do. Except… I’m very much disturbed and don’t really have a positive feeling towards this.

Whatever happens… I hope and wish for the best.

What do you think about this? Seriously, to be honest… I feel like what my family did was old fashioned and uneducated. That’s how much troubling this is!

Share me your thoughts on this. I would very much like a positive perception over here because this is… No words in the dictionary can describe how I’m feeling right now!

Until next time.

xoxo

Why am I Scared to Fall in Love again..?

Don’t Fall in Love. Because whatever falls breaks…

When did it all get so complicated? I fell in love and got betrayed and defeated.

I was once an innocent girl. Now my mind is filled with questions that swirl.

I actually thought I’ll meet a guy, fall in love and that was it. But I returned home with a broken heart that just won’t fit.

Okay, I know this probably sounds cheesy and immature. I thought I could write some poetry and failed… Spectacularly!πŸ˜‚

However, I am very scared to fall in love again.

I badly want to.

Mostly because I’m a complete idiot who craves a guys attention. And I just won’t accept the inevitable.

Hey, you can’t blame me. I’m a hopeless romantic.

When I was in middle school I used to have an imaginary boyfriend πŸ˜‚ (exceptionally those days books were my only companion and I was such a dork!)

Most girls want expensive gifts and surprises and they expect more gradually. All I want is a best friend that loves me and is always there for me.

I have friends who mean the world to me and I HATE that I want a boy to make me feel better.

Nevertheless, no matter how much I try I can never ignore that thought.

Despite that, now that I’ve experienced heartbreak and OH MY GOODNESS!! it bloody hurts!!

At the moment I love myself. I’m fixing my broken heart. I don’t want to be the girl that falls apart because of a guy.

He was supposed to be that one person who I thought would never hurt me. But he did. I believed that he loved me. I blindly trusted him because in my head I was blissfully ignoring the toxic relationship we had.

And that was entirely my fault.

I’m letting him go because holding onto it only hurts me. I don’t wanna get hurt by something that wasn’t true.

I feel sad that it’s going to be hard to fall in love again.

Even so I believe that someone would accept me the way I am and never give up on me.

I’m sorry but I can’t help it. I’m such a dork!πŸ˜‚β€οΈ

What are your thoughts on this? Share it to me in the comments.

Until next time.

xoxo

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